Mortified: Angst Written

She starts screaming, ?I Hate you piece of shit! Dieeeeeee!? What the hell was that I said to myself. Don?t lose control. Calm down just suck it back in. Why can?t I live without worrying about every word I say. Stop comparing damn it. No, I can?t. Why does everybody else get to talk with their parents without worrying about being punished for nothing.

A few minutes later I was playing with the dog and she said, ?Shut up, fagot!? ?fuck off you drunk bitch?, I wanted to say that out loud, but the words only ran through my head. Why does she only get drunk when I?m home.

Of course, my sister calls right after and she does not feel like coming home again and my mom lets her sleep over that dumbass, Marga?s house. What a moron she is. Jen was the worst when she stayed with that fool. Every one of Jen?s actions are predictable to me. Every time I am right and everyone is 50 steps behind.

Aww poor Jen her mom yells at her they say. Aww Jen is bullied by her brother. But I knew she did drugs. I knew she was lower than dirt. I knew she manipulated. Every time I warn them they ignore me. I told them she was too irresponsible to leave the house. I told them she was too selfish to own a dog who now suffers b/c my family is heartless scum. It is my responsibility to take care of him, but I can?t. I have my own problems which is why I told my mom not to get the dog. I am the only one who is right in this house, but that assumption seems too arrogant and improbable to be believed. So, they ignore me. It does not matter though even if my pathetic family manipulates their way to success I will know. That is why I hope there is a god, but I don?t believe it?s true. It would be nice if they all got punished in the end. I know Jen will go far b/c she is evil and conniving. Everybody asked me how I felt when Jen got kicked out and I faked emotion, but I really felt nothing other than vindication. I was elated. Finally, she got punished I was right.

It made me angry that people kept asking me and that I had to fake like I cared. I was happy and proud of myself for being right. Why the hell am I falling and she is climbing. She gets to stay out every damn day and come to school late and cheat on every paper and test. I even caught her in Mrs. Albert?s office cheating and Mrs. Albert saw too. When she left to report it Jen?s gall was incredible. I said why did you cheat and she still tried to lie to me. ?Ohh I was just putting the note cards away.? Bullshit. She will fail in the end though b/c her arrogance is based on nothing. She is really stupid and foolish and never learns from her mistakes. So, she will fail. Good.

I am always on guard I hate holding the rage in because it does things to my head. Things I can?t explain.